Haven't been around much; haven't had much to blog about.

 

I've been busy with the normal stuff -- cardio kickboxing, carting the kids around, trying to keep up with the house (at which I've actually been a bit successful recently).  I've also acquired an addiction to Guitar Hero for the Wii, and in less than a month's time I've beaten GHIII on Easy & Medium, and GH Aerosmith edition on Medium (didn't bother with that one on easy).

 

It all seems to be a way to pass time to keep from dwelling on junk. I've been having the "What am I going to do with my life" thoughts again -- I feel like I should be doing more than I am, but I don't know what it is that I should be doing.  I'm approaching it very selfishly - I love kickboxing, and I want to be home for my kids and at night with the whole family, but I feel like I should be working, too - at least part time. 

 

I'm also bothered by the fact that I don't feel like I have an ounce of creativity left in me.  I used to feel like a creative person, and regularly took the time out to do something along those lines, even it was just doodling or doing a little calligraphy.  Now when I get an odd hour that I don't have to be doing something else, I'm almost afraid to take out the paints or watercolors because I'm not sure I'll be able to doodle anything worth looking at.  Silly, I know, but I used to really enjoy these things, and now I don't feel quite capable of doing them anymore.  Or I feel like I shouldn't be doing them, like I should be doing something worthwhile ... which goes back to ... I don't know what that is.

 

I don't want to be in school again.  I don't want to work at a grocery store or have a daycare or be a receptionist.  I want to feel like, while the kids are in school & Nick is at work solving scads of problems and being productive, that I'm productive, that I'm doing something worthwhile in the time I have to myself.  I just need to figure out what that might be.